What A Strange Day..
Today while on a trip to army market and town with my friends, a lot of things happened to me. First on the way to Jurong East MRT from CCK, I saw this familiar lady “Miss Today” whom I had a crush during my 1st year in poly. My eyes went wide when I saw her and I guessed she still recognize me as she stared at me for a spilt second longer.
When I reached Jurong East, I saw a female secondary school mate from Dunearn. She said Hi to me as I didn’t notice her.All I did remember was her radiant smile.
The train came and while standing on the platform waiting to board the train, I caught sight of a lady sitting on the seat. She eludes a quiet sense of confidence in her and that really caught my attention. As the train was quite pack, I stand by the pole clutching the hand stand when she gave up her seat to an old lady and stood beside me. Instinct set in, mind on high alert mode! The first thing I notice about her is that she was tall even though she was wearing flat soles slippers and her fingers did not have any ring on it. I did not know what to do anyway and so I began to fiddle with my ipod shuffle earpiece. My destination was Lavender while hers was Bugis so she got out a stop earlier than me. After she left, somehow I felt a sense of lost..as if something precious has slipped away. So I told my friend:” let’s go back and find her.” We took the train back to Bugis but alas she was nowhere to be seen. Perhaps it wasn’t meant to be…
Then I met up with another friend and 3 of us walked from Bugis all the way to borders to read books. Don’t be surprised, don’t be stunned.. Yes we really did that. On our way we stopped by Plaza Singapura as there was a rock climbing event and it attract a lot of crowds. It was there where I saw my secondary school crush. She was part of the organizer and she looked rather busy so I didn’t go over and said Hi.
Then later in the night when I went to Hereen, I saw a very familiar face and guess what!It was the tall lady again. She was with her female companion. My heart skipped a bit. Panic mode set in. Honestly speaking, it has been a very very damn fcuking long long time ever I met another lady who can disrupt my breathing. Wanted to approach her to ask for her number since opportunity don’t come knocking twice but I lacked the guts to go forward. I am not that handsome, only average looking. I am not that rich; in fact I think I am filthy poor. You can ask me go chiong mountain, go chiong river, run long distance, run SOC until I die and I can say no problem let’s do it but when it come to relationship matters I will be very hesitant, unable to come to a decision, wishy washy and afraid..very very much afraid. So the “old habits die hard” me decide to let the coin decide my destiny and unfortunately the result is against me. And so I saw her left with her friend and I felt disappointed. Perhaps it wasn;t meant to be at all.
Afterthoughts
Today I felt a lot of things are going against my direction. But at closer glance, it all boils down to me. As said before, the greatest enemy is not others, but myself. Indecisive, insecurity + lacks of guts in relationship matters often cause a great deal of trouble in my life and so I steer clear of them. Sometimes it is not that I don’t put in effort to forget and let go but how do you prevent yourself from thinking about that person even while you are sleeping! Na Bei Chao Barney ultimate gone-case-bonker situation. I think I shall resign myself to enduring this curse till I go University or I meet another lady who could equally blown me away. Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps…
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